There are days when you are dull and blank. Nothing helps, no ideas, no inspirations, no stories – mind a blank paper. Yet I decided to write  about this emptyness. I went on asking myself where is your spring of creation? A dull ache permeates my being.  So many sad tidings – especially the accident of kanaka’s neighbour had laid seige to my mind. Kanaka had come to me drenched iñ tears the other day.

It was one of those days when nothing would console Kanaka. I kept silent until she composed herself. Then a questioning glance from my side spilled the whole thing out. Her childhood friend and neighbour had an accident and  was in ventilator. He was pillion riding with his friend when the accident occurred. He was in ventilator. Kanaka was inconsolable. I  pulled her along to my prayer room and we knelt down.”Kanaka, let us pray for him”, but My heart was racing to his bewildered and lost young wife, tear drenched and his inconsolable parents. We sat there, immersed in our thoghts. I could here kanaka’s  sobs and murmurs as she prayed but my heart had become heavy. A horde of thoughts had laid seige to it and I realised that it would take days together for me to come out of this dull heavy ache permeating my being.

 

 

Birds and Children

 

The other day looking out of her window Kanaka saw the Mulberry bush out side her gate being shaken violently and Indran shouting, “Aye don’t break the branch”. She saw two small legs scuttling away, the mission fulfilled. She felt happy. This was what she wanted .When she had planted the bush outside her gate in the no man’s land – a tiny space outside her wall she had answered Indran’s quizzical gaze, “This is for birds and children”. The bush had grown and started bearing many fruits.  She had hardly seen any child picking it. Sometimes she would pick them for herself and kunjatta her neighbors’ eight year old, almost a chocolate baby, would eat the purple mulberry fearfully as if it were poison. Today she felt fulfilled, her wish had come true .Children are picking the fruits. Her mind wafted to those good old days when she had trailed behind her Appa eating fruits she picked from the trees. She had once asked him why he left so many fruits unpicked in the trees – mango, guava, chikkoo, Njara, butter fruit, jack fruit, to list only a few. He would answer that it is for the birds, the squirrels and children. That if he did not leave fruits for the birds and the squirrels how could they survive and of course, for some children like her who are satisfied only when they pick directly from trees. She had been carrying this in her heart.  Moreover, when she bought a bit of land she too planted trees that bore fruits for birds and children. By the time they started bearing fruits her child had flown far away. As the present children led a closeted life and her only one far away from home she planted the mulberry bush for strange children who passed by her gate. Finding the mulberry bush heavy with fruits the children  on their way to school made a beeline for it and plucked the fruits. She was surprised to see almost all the slender branches heavy with fruits. And her Appa’s words echoed in her mind “killikalkkum, Kuzhanthaikkallukum kuduthal thaan marathille nirayya pazham Kaikkum” (Only if you give to birds and children, the trees will bear plenty of fruits).

Gratitude

The other day I had the luxury of just sitting down and going through a bit of my past days of hurry burry. I didn’t even have time to think anything straight. Of all the loved ones who were there to help me two people stand out. I don’t know whether they know how much they helped me standing there smiling encouragement, or coming up asking me to sit and relax or even eat something. They are so young but they seem to have the wisdom of ages. They never came to the foreground so I often missed them and couldn’t pay much attention to them but they were there for me and that was the greatest gift they gave me. I shall never forget them for the time they gave me for being with me as one of my family. Their presence graced the function. Even my family had taken them to heart. They have strengthened some of my own visions of life. Be like water and take the shape of the vessel it contains. Presence is more important than anything. Blend, blend and merge with the situation you are in. Don’t demand anything God will take care of you. Now I really miss them.May God bless them where ever they are.

For Cat Lovers

For Cat Lovers

The day started as usual jumping up as if I would miss the 5.30 train. Bleary eyed I peered at the clock it was 6.30. My gaze fell on the bed Kochundapri was stretched on the main part of my bed. She was gazing at me with an unusual look I rolled over to tickle expecting her to snarl at me grumpily which was her way of showing affection and we had accepted that as her typical catty way of loving us. I was surprised when she started purring loudly I withdrew my hand in sheer shock. “Aye what’s happened to her?”.Is she sick I wondered. But I did not have much time to spare. I had to light the lamp tell my prayers, feed my dogs Lassy and Kiran and go to the near by church for the 8 o’clock mass. I rushed through the first item in the list and sat down to pray. But couldn’t concentrate Pinku and Kochundapri were in a tumultuous destructive game. As I was reading the Bible Kochu came and pushed the sliding door of my cupboard and entering it literally started throwing out everything. I was forced to get up, pull her out, and close the cupboard tightly. I saw her rushing into Appu’s room and I
followed her. Appu never kept her cupboards closed, guessing what would follow; I closed the bedroom door chasing her out and sat down to continue my prayer. Now she came to me and lying on my lap she started mewing in short breaks. I just shut my eyes tightly and concentrated on my prayers and finished it without much distraction. But Kochu was behaving strangely. Like a leech she clung on to me not allowing me to walk following me wherever I went. So thinking she was terribly hungry I rushed to feed her But she did not eat I locked her in the kitchen and went out to feed the dogs. Immediately she started howling and started licking frantically and my eyes nearly popped out. My Lord she was in labor pains. Adding two and two, I knew what she wanted. I prepared a bed hurriedly inside the cupboard for her to deliver; she would n’t lie there. Mewing pitifully she ran behind me as I hurried with my kitchen chores. So I took her back to her basket with the cup of tea I just prepared and tucked her in. Seeing her comfortably settling down I started typing on my lap top waiting outside the cupboard for her to deliver. I am waiting……..
My mind wanders back to a day in1995.I was preparing to go to college. I took my bag, closed the door and locked the gate. I don’t know from where, Sundari, my beautiful tri coloured, furry cat came running meowing loudly. I put her inside the gate and hurried. I had first hour and even though it was only two minutes walk I hastened almost running. I turned inside the side gate of the college and there behind my heels was Sundari. She was crying piteously. I looked around there was no one around as it was an assembly day the girls had all gone to attend it. I picked her up, immediately she started purring. I took her outside the college gate and tried to shoo her back home. But she wouldn’t go. I saw the catty tenacity on her face. I knew she would follow me into the college and make a scene. So picking her up I trudged back home. As soon as I opened the gate Sundari jumped down and entered the house through the window we always left open for her. I opened the door and went straight to the basket in our bed room and found her there delivering her kittens. Yeah, that day I had to take a half day leave. I had not shared this to any one in fear that I would be laughed at. But you cat lovers would under stand.
So my vigil continues for Kochundapri to deliver. But she is sleeping. I know the moment I get up from here she will follow me. So I continue my vigil …

Child Anna and God.

I tumbled on “Mister God, This is Anna” by Fynn accidentally. I started reading it yesterday. Its Haunts me the moment I put it down.The red haired, 5 year old child, the heroine Anna, totally engulfs you and the joy you feel is inexplicable. Here is a bit from the book for all book lovers:
“Our local parson was taken aback when he asked her about GOD. The conversation went as follows:
“Do you believe in God?”
“Yes”
” Do you know wht God is?”
“Yes”
”What is God then? ”
“He is God!”
” Do you go to church?”
“No.”
“Why Not?”
” Because I know it all!”
“What do you Know?”
” I know to love Mister God and to love people and cats and dogs and spiders and flowers and trees” – and the catalog went on – “with all of me”.